🦋|Shinobu Kocho|🦋

MF Gloom

RELATIONSHIP ALERT:

I wanna confess my love to a long time friend of mine but I’m scared that they won’t like me back. Like yeah ofc there has been moments we have been emotionally deep with each other and been physically pretty close but I feel like it’s just barely on the edge of loving each other. Idk..we’ve slept in the same bed together and cuddled before. Had so much fun and bonded over shared interests and what plagues our brains but it is hard for me to even fathom us being together because he is so far apart. He is close physically but we rarely meet. Like maybe 3 times a year. We just share a bond that my close relative couldn’t replicate and I don’t think ever will replicate and it’s a bond that makes him want to be with me, sleep in the same bed together, cuddle, and tell me everything about him. But like I am so like..I think he’s perfect..i was gay for him before I knew what gay was. Do I like..confess?? Like I don’t plan on dating him and if we do end up that’s fine but I also have other priorities and if he doesn’t then hopefully we stay friends.

grounded again see yall in a week or two.....i fucking hate my mom

Time has proven that fooling yourself into believing a lie
Is the most effective way to deal with things
You have no control over

Keep listening to the mixtapes they made you
Overanalyze every single word you hear
Was this a sign that things were going wrong?
No, no, you were the one that cared too hard, not them

Stay up every single night staring at your phone
Either attempting to gather up the courage to turn these demons
These constant reminders of your loneliness
Into nothing more than a bad dream
Or praying just for one second
You could feel the warmth of equally returned love

Go out for coffee four times a week by yourself
Always bring your notebook, never stop writing
Leave little comics and thank you notes with your tip
Watch them smile as you get in your car

Talk down on yourself whenever possible
My life is shit because I deserve it, right?
You must have done something really bad
It's nearly impossible for you to cry now

Avoid your friends for weeks even though
They're the only sense of consistency you have left in your life
If they really wanted to see you they'd come, but they won't
Who cares?

Allow yourself to lose interest in the things you love
Watch as you begin to take a backseat
To the world around you, don't fight it
Become a secondary character in your own motion picture
But most importantly

Drown every single one of your feelings in old stolen rum
Learn to love the taste of it dripping down your throat
Find comfort in the warmth coming from your stomach
You're drinking bottled love now

You don't need other people to drive away your loneliness
You just needed to find a way to talk to it

highkey grounded so i wont be here for very long and ima be on my school computer mainly so ye

More drawing

I’m way better at drawing than digital

Until I have a break from school or unless i want to do digitial art i will posting traditional art ONLY....anyways have a goodnight/day everybody :D

PEAK music

idk

"i miss you like the schizos miss his crucifixion
that night we met
like a other side of an ornament turned over
a part of me so true

letting out the purest of intent
i let a burst of pure energy
a strum of guitars and then a whole symphony
endorphins and all of these fuzzy feelings
everywhere

oh ill see it when i know
the ocean they call society
the individuals we call the ocean
and the stars we call the people so above us

and among all of the stars you shine the brightest
making the novas look dull
you are the most beautiful
i know i was wrong

but if i get one i wont let this chance past
so dont ask yourself
not a moment
if you think i have forgotten you"

a poem that sorta describes my situation.

Im not gonna be on too much bc i have school(fuck my life) and ye...shoot me :D

I LOVE BLUEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

part 1 of 2

yall i just got my schedule and its weird af
(im in 9th grade btw)
so i got honors alg 1 FIRST THING IN THE MORNING
then honors world geography then Advanced Placement European History(12th grade class btw) then Honors English 2 then Principals of Education then orchestra then honors alg 1(idk why i have two bc my grades are immaculate so im gonna try and switch it to honors biology if i can) and then Spanish 1.

Very peculiar schedule...im gonna be in the same class as my 17 year old brother..and im 14...huh...weird..