you'll always hate all that i am

Im gonna be honest, I'm really not feeling so hot- Ever since I caught wind of the stuff she's done, I've been thinking about him a lot for a few weeks now. when I was little, I loved Dallas, I thought he was cool, and I always wanted to be like him. you made me happy, you gave me a purpose and I just loved you and I wanted to make your life better. do you know how disgusting and horrible I feel? I tried to get over you but every time your back in my head I just break down and obsess over you again. I hate it so much, I shouldn't. you hurt me and you hurt others I shouldn't care about you. but you meant so much to me. why. why did we throw it away? I liked you better back then, when I was so naive and stupid, so trusting of you. I just wanted you to love me back. it's hard to love you after all the things you did that I now understand, but I still do. and I hate it. I hate you. I hate myself. I hate this world. I hate everything. hate is the only thing I can truly feel. I just want to destroy it all. but I need love, I feel so weak needing that useless thing. it makes me feel like I'm being held back. like you. loving you makes me feel held back from being who I need to be. happy and content with my friends and partners. I don't know if I can take this any longer, Alex. I feel like I'm just wasting away into nothing. it hurts. please I want it to just stop already. I hate my life. I hate how things came between us. I hate how this is real and not a dream. just thinking about you makes me cry it hurts. for you it's been 3 days but in my head it feels like years, so long. and no time. but it wont stop. the pain will never stop. I hate you. and you hate me all the same. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be better for you. I'm sorry I never made you happy. I'm sorry. I feel like such a FAILURE. I can never do ANYTHING RIGHT. I wanted to make Dallas happy and I FAILED. I tried to expose Dallas' ways and I FAILED. I'm just some 18 year old loser that just stays at home, has no irl friends, and is no one's favorite. I feel like nothing. and feeling like nothing reminds me of what dallas said. she was right.

I'm gonna take a small break because I just can't handle this anymore. I promise I'll be back I just need a while to clear my head and be calmer- <:1
Im sorry lu for making you so worried, I don't really deserve a fren like you <3

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