Here, take my thoughts. I offer these to show that https://magma.com/artist/digitallydoneanddust is not alone. Pls don't say anything hurtful of what I am about to share as personally for me, this was really hard to put down in words for other people to see. Originally no one was going to see. But now I offer it all in support of someone else.
09/13
I can feel it. The fact that I keep messing stuff up. That pain in it all. The fact that I feel yet don't feel at the same time concerns me. A lot. Lately I've only gotten the hints of emotion. Not the full tide like I used to. I'm worried. I'm hurting people. I'm hurting myself. And I don't know what to do.
09/16
Here is more. Please, please. Keep this to yourself. This is so much poured out. So much written in a place where someone besides myself can see it. So please, be honest, be harsh, but please keep true to what you know. Don't change your words in any way to soften anything or console me. Just write or say what you feel needs to be said. Don't change it, just tell me. The truth is what I need. Especially in a world where any truth is always so shrouded in mirrors and lies.
I don't know what I feel is real or fake any more. So much has been fabricated to what I think that I or others think I should feel. I don't know what face is real anymore and I don't know what to do. These thoughts get more frequent and every time I get rid of them for a while they come back. That constant questioning if I am hurting others as much as I hurt myself. I'm scared of my own masks and the fact that the strength of the feelings from myself and others that I used to feel so strongly are slowly fading. I find myself constantly forcing change to match my own ideals and in reaction to barbs I hear. Sometimes I retaliate. I can fight back no problem and they don't hurt. The question is, is that who I really am? Or is that just another shield, another mask to hide the unrest I really feel? I have so many moments of questioning, wondering which behaviours, emotions, and thoughts are really me and I don't know anymore. I keep hurting myself and hurting others. I constantly find myself indecisive with anything I am asked. Sometimes my opinion is strong. But then I question if it was even my own opinion. I'm not safe anywhere unless the noise of music or the actual calm observation of the world. I don't like this lack of feeling, to fully understand like I used to. I don't like this constant fear and not knowing. (There was more.)
Thx. I love what people did. ^-^
Beautiful.