1NT3RST3LL4R M1CR0PH0N3!!!

trying to get back into that discord server bc i was banned just makes me seem like an attatched person who cant let go.
which i cant.
i miss that server.
i miss the people.
i even said "if i leave this server it would be if i was banned"
i got banned.
for my first warning it was when i didnt read the room in the middle of an arguement
for my second warning, it was because i called someone a cunt on accident
third warning (which resulted in me getting banned) was bc i said smth about r/5050.
(which does include gore, i didnt realize it did before hand)

fuck i made a whole account for that im crine.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU.

been around a monnthhh
feeling a whole BUNCH better now u rnt in my life

moving on does really help huh
but seems like u might not

lol u didnt even block me here
man you really do try huh?
but you only know my main
and i WILL know if you see this
was thinking i missed you but heh
nothing every changes.

i feel like shit
i dont know what else i can do besides mope
i lost my blades and tried finding them
i also dont want to eat anything anymore because i was almost going to throw up
its like i over eat and expect to be fine but it never is. especially when my mom asks me, "why do you never do anything but eat!?" and then that makes me lash out at her.
im just going to try and find those useless blades and try to go worse than it ever have.
i also dont understand why i come off as rude when i dont mean to. it sucks really bad.
having no social aspects and not knowing how to come off as not rude makes me seem like im always being aggressive and not caring.
whatever.
ill just go deeper.

MEGA vent blast!! woo hoo!!!!! (this is my vent account now)
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Ok, so i tried a new spot!! my fucking shoulder!
ok.
I was being "disespectful" at the dinner table with my brother because he got home and i missed him bc he was gone for a week.
me n him were talkign and laughing, my mom got pissed because we were ignoring her and she said to be quiet multiple times
she lashed out on us and had to GO OUTSIDE AND CALM DOWN.
i understand it because she had a very bad migraine before we sat down for dinner
but at the same times, i didnt like how she acted as a fucking 54 YEAR OLD.
So, my dad forced em to go outside and apologize to her bitch ass.
here are some things she said
"whatever you say right now to me, doesnt matter."
"as soon as he walked through this fucking door, everything broke out into HELL."
"instead of standing there and looking like a dumbass, how about actually respond instead of not giving a shit."
She also told me to give my phone to her and go to my room.
ad so i did.
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i then dug out my blades n shit then here we are now.
it doesnt hurt too bad
BUT, atleast i can wear a short sleeve shirt tomorrow!
because she said that she is forcing me to go to an event with her because "you dont get any alone fun time"

(unrelated)
my dad said he was going to get ready to clean MY room HIMSELF
I replied with something like, "why do you care what MY room looks like?"
anyways
uhh
im not okay rn. im snuggling plushies and crying as i type
have a good night.