3Piece_Anna

I talked to the girl that was the reason i had depression for two years straight for the first time after 4 years

I dont know what i expected, maybe her losing me as a friend never hit her the way it hit me. She isnt the jerk i thought she was, or the one her friends made her, i should say. She thinks im smart.

I dont even know what to say tbh, but this is really big for me. Im not trying to be her friend again, i dont want to be, but to actually talk to her after so long just feels so different.

Idk why im like this i need to stop making such a big deal out of it. Because, honestly, i never moved on. 4 years later and i never forgot.

Ok, im shutting up now.

Im gonna repost all of my rants, vents, or anything sensitive on here so my friends dont see it on my main acc

(Also reposting this on here so my irl friends dont see)
(TW: RELIGION!!)

Its honestly really hard to be friends with some of the people im friends with. Im not saying i dont want be their friend, but most of my friends hate Christians, and well, i am one. I get really uncomfortable when i hear them ranting about how they dont like Christians and one even rants to ME about how much they hate and despise Christians and the whole religion itself and how they think its all stupid and the Bible is all just lies.

Listen, im not going to hate you for being an aethist, or even just disliking most Christians, but its really tiring to have them sit there and listen to them basically call your whole religion stupid and just go on and on about how much they hate it. Even though they all know im Christian, i make sure they all know at some point in time because no one could ever guess that about me apparently. And i even talk in the middle of conversation and say something like "well, you know, i AM Christian so i cant really agree with you." But it never helps.

And there is this one place where all of the kids draw on, and someone wrote satanic symbols all over it, and like i said, i dont care about your religion or your lack of a religion, but i still get kind of uncomfortable when someone draws a satanic symbol and i said "i wanna wipe off all the uh, satanic symbols off" and that one friend said "then I'm gonna wipe of all the things that talk about Jesus" and they were kinda angry too. And then they just went on again about how they hated Christianity again. I try to agree with them on the things i can, but i honestly hate it when religion gets brought up with them at all.

Im too scared to ever tell them to their face that i hate them talking crap about my religion. Because, believe it or not, im actually pretty religious. Not just the type to believe in God and then just go on with my life like any unreligious person would.

(reposting this on here now that my friend knows my main acc)

I HATE AND I MEAN HATE HOW MY GRANDPA TREATS ME.

ok, so for context. A couple years back, i would always act really childish around him and we would play around and he would tickle me and stuff like that. Well, i had decided that i needed to grow out of it and mature. So when i stopped, he got all upset. And my grandparents are emotionally attached to me and my siblings so much that its genuinely concerning. My grandma said my grandpa cried at night because i "stopped loving him" and now its been years later and hes still upset about the whole thing and hes like "why dont you love me anymore" and it actually pisses me off so much. Sorry fo growing up, but im no longer 9. And now its actually getting uncomfortable around hik because he thinks i dont love him (i STILL dont know if hes serious about that), he thinks im not happy (because both my grandparents actually refuse to believe that me looking pissed off all the time is just my resting face when me and my mom have explained to them multiple times that it is), and that its something hes doing when i have told him countless times that i just felt like it was tike for me to grow up and stop acting like that.

So he keep trying to get me to have conversations with him because i go to my grandparents house every week on Sunday, and before night service starts (cause we go to their house after morning service) my grandma, and everyone else leaves for choir practice. So its just me and him and he hardly ever excepts the fact that im perfectly content with just sitting there and doing nothing (since all i do is sit on the couch for an hour straight while he sits in the same room with me) and he always tries to list 100 things just saying "do you want to..." and i just say no everytime. WHY CAN NOBODY IN THE ENTIRE STATE THAT I LIVE IN EVER TAKE A HINT.

and last sunday, my mom always makes us hug them goodbye. AND I SWEAR I CANT GO A SECOND WITHOUT BEING TREATED LIKE IM DEPRESSED OR SMTH. He hugs my oldest brother for like 5 seconds and hes like "alright, bye, man." And i walk up to him and he hold both his arms out and goes "Bella bella" IN SOME BABY VOICE AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO JUST LOOK AT HIM STRAIGHT IN THE EYES AND TELL HIM HOW MUCH THAT MAKES ME DESPISE HIM. I JUST WANT TO BE TREATED NORMALLY, BUT HE DOESNT WANT TO FACE THE FACT THAT IM NO LONGER 7.

(Tw: mentions of cvtting (no, i dont actually do it) and blood)

I've thought about cutting myself before. But then i realise i don't really have a reason to. For some reason i enjoy pain most times, but i could never bring myself to cut my own skin. I have this weird obsession with blood. Not really in a bad way, but i were to accidentally cut myself with something and it starts bleeding, i just like the blood. I kinda find myself disgusting when it comes to that, now that i think about it. I have this paper cutting knife. I really love it. But like i said, i could never cut myself. So i just like to hold it, and look at the blade. I do it kinda often, to the point that now im wondering if there is something wrong with me. I usually keep it in my bed. Also, ik this whole thing has been kinda srs, but holding it makes me feel like Johnny with his switchblade.

Idk if theres something wrong with me, but for now, im fine. Idk if i should consider this a vent or not. I just felt like saying something about it, and i honestly could never say it irl. It's not even like im depressed or anything like that, i just find it weird how im like this.

Anyways, sorry for posting whatever you would consider this.

Bye :D

I overreacted.

Why the fuck is my mom calling me rude because I yelled at her saying that packing a lunch is not mandatory for school and that human do not need three meals a day. My mom, my Christian mom, didnt even give a fuck when she found out that my brother cusses at school. She doesn't punish anybody for anything, but I still fucking get my devices taken away for yelling at her.
And my sibling just think that im the favorite youngest child who gets away with everything and plays innocent. I fucking hate them
I still get fucking spanking from my mom for arguing with her, or she just threatens me with it, but my brother can argued with her until she is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, crying and cussing him out and he has almost no consequences.

Im so fucking tired of this damn family. And I just reminded my mom to take me to game stop so I could buy a game, as I have been for two weeks, with MY money btw, and she just gets so fucking mad at me because I keep reminding her.
Saying that she will buy it. She promised to take me two days ago and I've been asking her for two weeks now.

She takes away my shit just for being "rude" and my sister says its because of my friends.

No one ever thinks to realize that im just tired of standing there and taking there shit while bawling my eyes out cause im a sensitive little bitch.

I cant even properly yell at someone without fucking crying and my siblings say I do so that my mom will pity me and not punish me.

My sister always says "why do you always act like you hate this family?!" Well guess what, Adelaide. Maybe I do.
Maybe I really fucking do hate this family.